Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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