This is not my ceiling
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
