I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
