shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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