Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I could make wine with my vomit
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize