I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
