so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
