put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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