Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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