omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
