The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
