I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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