Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
