also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
