Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
