eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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