his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
