I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
