You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
