I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize