She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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