I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
only if we run a train.
done.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
