like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
