he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
