it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize