Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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