i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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