I'm jealous of your bromance
from now on my penis is your penis
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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