I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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