you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
