forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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