So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize