i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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