dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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