Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
