Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
