so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize