I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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