i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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