Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize