I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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