Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
