at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
