i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
