i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
