My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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