this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
