I can tuck mytits in my pants
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize