She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
