She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm at about main and main street
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
