i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
