i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
