I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
