Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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