You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
