You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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