I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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