I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
