it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
