I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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