He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
