So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
